MuMMy

We cant choose our mothers. like duh. but hey... u can somehow choose your mother-in-law no? if you cld choose, if i may say, my mummy will make one GREAT MIL man. in fact no need to wait for marriage. even b4 marriage already she so nice. too nice if there is such a thing. SHESSHHH. she surprises me at times. wif the things she does and say abt him! *shrugs shoulders. even NOW. and i go like -_-. as ironic as this might sound, she needs to get over it. seems like she sayang him a lot, maybe too much. -_- so it's his loss in this sense. haha. well... hopefully i'll give her a son-in-law in a few years time, for her to be nicer to. haha. how lucky that guy wld be. somehow i dun think my sis-in-law gets that treatment. not as great i wld say. in the meantime, hang on tight. :p

heard abt some horror PIL. Scaryyyyy... THAT was one of the reasons y i'm too scared to consider him right fr the start. it's not him. the guy's alright. but the MOTHER scares me A LOT. but err... as my mum wld say, "i dowan you to suffer in her hands." A living matriarch. scary u know. but the guy's nice. really nice. the dad's ok too. but buy one get one free leh. no choice how... well if i ever go Aust, i shall look for him. Pretty sure he has a nice hse which i can bunk in. and probably the car too? pretty please...? ok la, u drive. i prefer to be driven. haha. ;p but not mad ah! *knocks riz on the head. but i like your wit, as always ;)

MY Guy

okie... let's talk abt this in the open coz i'm in the "W" state.

so so so... hmm.. wat can i say. disappointed? well, maybe a little. den again, i din haf much expectations in the first place. i haf to say i'm no saint. tho i might be nice. or i can choose to be nice. this post WAS meant to be really really really hurtful. you know how good i can be at that. but ok la, i shall be nicer. tho i haf to reiterate, im no saint.

hmm... i wonder how some people sleep at night. don't their conscience bug them when they've done sth so wrong? do they even haf conscience at all? how do you live life without moral values? how do you even live your life? do watever you want, be it right or wrong? sociologists wld say crime and deviance is culturally instilled in everyone. however, there are more universal ones which most societies wld frown upon. this includes what you did. people don't need to be sociologists to know that. in fact, even animals do. except one which i have decided to delete after typing. i'm suppose to be nicer so i'll try to keep that in mind.

somehow, i'm glad people around you still have some moral values instilled in them and values they hold true. surely that's important. we should have principles in life and hold them true coz them it helps to shape who we are and keeps us strong.

words fr a fren (somewat similar):

she: so what do you look for in a guy?

me: i dunno. i dun haf a checklist. i try not to expect too much.

she: you shouldn't do that. coz if u think that way, u'll just say "yes" to just about anyone who comes along, and then realise he's not the one you want or deserve. you should at least think of some qualities that you want in your guy. qualities that you think is important for them to have. and look for those who have those qualities.

so i sat and thought. wat qualities do i really want in my guy? qualities which i cant live without. of coz there are many. too many to state. then again, cannot have too much expectations.

one of the most important quality that i want in my guy is trustworthiness and the fact that he can gimme a sense of security. i'd give my guy space for him to do whatever he wants and with whoever he wants, girls and guys alike. surely i'd be jealous once in a while, but i'll still trust him. i want a guy who is strong enough to say "Don't even try. I'll not be taken in," when temptations arise. i want a guy who has principles strong enough to say "i want to protect the girl" and thus draws clear boundaries to others and myself. i want the guy to be in control of himself and tell me, "Yes, but control ah!" i want a guy whom i can trust my life with and tell me "Can work something out" when things dont seem to go our way or when i feel that things are not going to work out. Yes, i need that assurance. Following that, he does something about it. i want a guy who is creative enough to think of rational possibilities to make things happen. i want a guy who dares to say "Bottomline is, anak dara orang, dun play play."

i also think having a sense of humour is important. i want him to be able to see the lighter things in life even when the going gets tough. saying matter-of-fact things in a not-so-matter-of-fact way and make me laugh it off. i want him to be able to make me smile, laugh and cry tears of joy. i want him to be quick and witty enough in his jokes to sweep me off my feet. that ain't easy i muz say. jokes which are lame yet intelligent at the same time. i likkeeeee.... *smitten-ed

chances are, if he has strong moral values to guide his actions now, i'm banging that they will continue to do so in the future.

yes, i want such a guy. with the rest of the other virtues if i may add. Then qn is, is there such a guy? one in a million? one in two million? maybe more? am i asking for too much?

*smiles. the above quotes are not said by me but to me.

Then you'll ask, do these guys want me? well... i'd say, "Can work something out". or at least i'll try. haha. ;) bottomline is, THE Teacher (not me. i'm not a teacher anymore) has given them a tick: PASSED. and they are NOT ATTACHED. i ain't going to be a witch with a capital "B" in that sense, if u get wat i mean. Y? coz it hurts. and i wouldn't want another woman to feel how i felt before. It just ain't right.

The StORy OF thE EAgLe

nice one. fr a gd fren. :)

Your heart decides who you want in your life.

But your behaviour decides who will stay in your life.

The story of the Eagle

The eagle has the longest life-span among birds.
It can life up to 70 years.
But to reach this age, the eagle must make a hard decision.
In it's 40s,
Its long and flexible talons can no longer grab prey which serves as food.
Its long and sharp beak becomes bent.
Its old-age and heavy wings, due to the thick feathers, become stuck to its chest and make it difficult to fly.
Then, the eagle is left with only two options: die or go through a painful process of change which lasts 150 days.
The process requires the eagle to fly to a mountain top and sit on its nest.
There the eagle knocks its beak against a rock until it plucks out.
After plucking it out, the eagle will wait for a new beak to grow back and andd then it will pluck out its talons.
When the new talons grow back, the eagle starts plucking out its old-aged feathers.
And after five months, teh eagle takes its famous flight of rebirth and lives for 30 more years.

Why is change needed?
Many times, in order to survive, we have to start a change process.
We sometimes need to get rid of old memories, habits and other past traditions.
Only freed from past burdens can we take advantage of the present.

When it rains, most birds head for shelter; the eagle is the only bird that, in order to avoid the rain, starts flying above the cloud.

Winners win by pushing their limits until their limits become the norm.

Nice story that one. Perhaps its time for rebirth. everything happens for a reason and Allah knows best. sometimes we wonder why things happen to us. well... there's a reason for sure. tho we might not know it now... perhaps in the future... perhaps never. but i trust Him for he is All-Knowing.

so ok, after all the roller coaster rides over and over again, YOU win. happy? you can have the "one in a million" trophy which you have always dreamed of. provided that trophy wants you and past resons are out of the window. but hey, chances are, NOW is a good time to make your move!

funny actually this one in a million thingy, i guess it's subjective bah... those were the days i wld say. yes, i remember that feeling. and it's still stuck in here, well somewhere, if i really bother to find it. after all these years... darn thing is he knows it! and takes advantage of it. -_- at least now, i stand up and tell him not to do so. hehe. but no, never going thru THAT wif you again. 1 decade has taught me well enough! a million or not! :P

for me, like wat people here like to say (still wondering if its a a culture), moving forward... ;) The change is painful yes, but i guess we got to endure the pain to get stronger so that we can spread our wings and fly. :)

HeeLLARIouSSSSSS WeEKEnD! Part 2

so that was fri. it was real fun n funny.

sat was overcrowded!!!! lucky get to leave at 3. that oso late. so cannot make it. hope i din scare our new volunteer away. hee. glad its not so crowded now, thankfully. :)

so rushed down to masjid alkaff for my cousin'e farewell doa selamat. may Allah bless your journey to and fro. do well and do us proud. :) this year not bad. got to meet most of my family members. take picture2 some more. been a while since i saw some of them. so big already. and soalan bonus "kak lyna, why everyone call you adik ah?" aaaaahahahhaaaaaaaaa... well im always the adik in the family. and yes, i still kecik! wateverrrrrrrrr.... sesiapa yg panggil saya tante, tak dapat duit raya next yr! HMPH!

after that, the fun n laughter continued...

met one of the most hilarious bunch of friends i have. the ELDDS group!!! been a while and as usual, some people dont turn up at the last minute. but the 6 of us were gd. started wif a scare, then gossips den we said, "dunno wats wrong wif the kids nowadays. we went thru the same thing n we turned out alright." den C juz had to say, " We THINK we turned out alright! we need a third party opinion to be objective." and we really LOL. den i said, "looking at wat we are doing now, ya, i think we do need another opinion." the whole time, we were laughing away at every little thing that someone did. asking the stooooopidessstttttt questions and doing the stttttoooooopidddddeestttttttttt thing. how can we every get bored with each other. oh oh oh the choco cake was GGGOOOODDD.... and we were not shy abt it. went for a few rounds. T n C had a whole bottle of wine! wonder if the wine eventually kicked in.

den we had a tour of the hse. even the toilet and storeroom. we were like... eerrr... ookk.... storeromm no neeed.. and juz before we stepped onto the stairs, T asked... "is this hard wood?" and all of us jus LOL! T!!!! wat are you asking?!!??! of coz laaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! HAIYOOOOOOOOO...

But i got to say, the highlight of the day, we were playing wii. and T said that her nephew was playing when the controller flung onto the wall. and well, no points for guessing.. i was playing table tennis wif C. half way thru the game, while i was looking at the tv screen... a controller slammed onto the corner of the tv! one one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand... silence... Then M went up to the TV. we all looked at each other and was like... OMG! wat happened siaaaaaa.... C was already... OMG! I'm so sorry! and we burst out laughing while feeling worried at the same time. WA LAO EHHHHHH.... sld haf videoed it man. Y almost turned pale! we were like.. eh eh eh... tv ok or not? and M checked the corner, thankfully, it was ok coz got the rubber casing! SHEEESHH! C!!!!!! den we realised the importance of the strap! den we started laughing n laughing n laughing. goodnesssss... and continued playing. LOL.

end of teh day, C was still sorry but no harm done. went to the car and teh couple started their own table tennis match. now we understand the meaning of "help me help you". ;)

all in all.. it was a good weekend. funny fun fun. :)

but somehow, right now, i still wish someone was here.

hEEEEEElIAriOUS WeEKenD! part 1

The weekend started on friday this week. coz we were closed. had Fun Day.

went to HQ and a very serious meeting in the meeting room. we even drove out the other group member! so people, this is serious business! we need to strategise! what is our strategy to win? we should divide our group. who can do the physical stuff? we oso need the brains. think going to have acting. who can act? how do we get there? muz park car nearer to lab. let's look at the individual members. how can we bring each one of them down? we have to bring them down psychologically too! distraction strategy! we need a code!

Nis and San- pretend to fall and get hurt. they'll surely come to help.
Sar - talk abt rabbits. anything abt rabbits
Spen - frisbee
Lee- don't underestimate her.

Muz tell cab uncle to drive fast coz we playing survivor. gif exact chnage. reach here already, alamak, lift not working coz emergency announcement came on. kena climb stairs!!

GOODNESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! people.... this is FUN DAY!!! arent we taking this too seriously?!?!?! LOL. it was hilarious!!!!! listening to these doctors, psychologists and cms playing survivor! farnieeeeeeee!

everyone was so hyped up! running here and there and everywhere! so competitive! even the game masters were like... "CHILDREN!!! LISTENNNNNN!!!! you guys are acting like the patients!!!" they couldnt control us. lucky never kena restrain by the cisco people. if kena caught, suj will say, "hey i'm the doctor!" guard will reply, "yeah, that's what everyone says here." *shakes head. and water guns!!!! sheeshhhh... think we were worse than kids!

also, i haf to say budding channel U, suria and vasantham actors and actressess we haf in our team! woohoo!!! noone could tell... LOL. hot, bitter, sour and sweet. YUCKS!!!

it was fun people... and the after part... i dint know! at first was alright. den as time passed by.. it became darker and noiser. and i was like... err.. ok.. where am i again?? *shakes head. i think the guys had too much to drink. wasnt sure if they were trying to be funny wif the cross dressing and homo jokes or it's the alcohol kicking in. don't sit so close to me. i scared. lol. and he made me dance!!!!!!!! dont bully me horrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

all in all, it was great fun. and im now munching away wif the tidbits left behind. unhealthy! but thanks. you made my day people. love my department! ;)

ScARy? Or Am I JusZ ScAriNg MySeLF?

so i love my job.
but it's getting scarier by the days. or am I jus scaring myself?

1) He who called juz to tell me that he would not be coming down here like he always does on this particular day. i tot to myself... oookkk... tho you dont haf to tell me...

2) He who comes by a few times a day juz to check if the aircon was working well. sure it was faulty. but i dun think need to come down so many times rite? if got further problem i'll surely call. perhaps he was bored. nothing better to do. came in a few times juz to chat. even after his shift, together wif the receptioninst to play game! The receptioninst oso semangat come here during her break. hmm...

3) He who comes to check if the place is ok... if i'm fine... ok... it's your job to make sure security is maintained and my unit is the only one in use on this floor at the moment... still... hmm... and of coz he came in to chat for a while. hmm...

4) He who came in while i was out. Asked the volunteer if i was working... stayed for a while and left before i came back. wat was that abt??? i never knew who he was. hmm...

5) He who comes in almost everyday during his break. asks me if i had eaten, offered to buy food and bring it to me!!! I'm like HUH???

OK.... when i put it this way, this IS getting scary!!!! maybe i'm juz thinking and analyzing too much. bottom line is... jgn nak SS. nanti paiseh sendiri, dunno where to put my face. perhaps they are juz being friendly.

but on another note, i wonder why some people juz dont get the hint. sacrificial some might say? or juz plain *toot*. well i can be very the straightforward and blunt. and it hurts. but some people juz dont get it even when it is being told to them at point blank! sheesh... how else should anyone put it to you?!

sometimes, you should save yourself some dignity and love yourself a little more. been there, done that, learnt it the hard way. never going to do it ever again. like wat a friend once told me, "I don't think he's the kind who likes girls flinging herself at him." likewise, i wanna say it to guys. coz at the end of the day, someone, maybe more, will eventually get hurt. coz people can get opportunistic and take advantage of the situation. including myself i muz say. so i admit it. guess the question is, wat are we going to do abt it? do we sit, enjoy the attention, pounce on the opportunity to take advantage of the other person juz coz he/she has a soft spot on us? or do we treat them like every other friends we have and not give in as much? the devil whispers..."aren't the benefits juz too much to give up?" what do you say?

to the one who keeps giving in n getting the worse end of the bargain remember, "sometimes, he's juz not that into you" or "she" for that matter. do read the previous post on that.

Thank YOU!

ok, so the ranting's done.

now let's look at the brighter side.

i do love my job. yes i do. despite trying times... i still do and i'm thankful for it. but still, yes, i wish someone was here.

wanna say a big thank you for the people who helped when i needed them the most.

Thanks to F, who have always been around keeping me company and jaga-ing this place while i'm out. and packing the stuff. to do it alone wld haf taken a much longer time and energy! i'm so drained out. till today! TGIM!

Thanks to K. yes, it's your job. still, i appreciate it. i really needed to sit and rest. i'm tired. really tired. so thanks for doing wat i told you to do. appreciate it.

Thanks to S for listening to my whines when i needed to vent it out the most. for the first time the conversation was THAT serious. haha. and i know emo sh*t is NOT your style and you are probably turned off right away. but thanks for tahan-ing and listening. the more i talk to you, the more i see the me in you! scary!!! it makes it easier when we are on the same ground. at least you understand wat i'm trying to say. but hey, don't read all these in the wrong way ya. ;)

Thanks to Z, who happened to be around and helped me carry the heavy stuffs. gimme a break can... not heavy to you but to me heavy lor. the whole day counting and packing stuff. shift here and there. my back pain liao... but glad u were ard to carry them to the utility room tho it wasnt part of your job scope. :P

thanks to those who are so understanding towards my weaknessess in any way.

thanks for the smses, they make my day.

and thanks for all the little things that helped in one way or another.

and thanks to the instructor and tester for making it so easy for me. i got myself a great birthday present this year. after spending so much money, time and effort... like FINALLY... and they made it happen. so thanks. :)

still... i wish someone was here.

i wish someone was here....

ok.. been out if sync fro a while. time to rant. so if u dun haf the time, energy or mood, come back another time. hee.

it's been a crazy 2 weeks or so. wif my partner doing an oreo disappearing act. now you see him, now you don't. well thanks man. and of all times, it juz has to be NOW rite? wen we are having lots of events going on and referrals streaming in. at times like this, i just wish that SOMEONE was around. but oh well... no choice, haf to suck it up and handle this alone. but i sure wish someone was around...

haf you ever been in a situation whereby everything that can happen all happen at the same time? i sure have. wif assessment inside, handling screening on the phone, aircon got screwing up, people walking in and the internet's not working. sure i'm a woman. i probably can multi task better than men. but hey, i'm not an octopus! i dun haf 8 arms to handle everything all at the same time!!!! -_- HELPPPPPPPPP!!!!!! i wish someone was here...

She mentioned, "I've never seen you this busy before leh." i haf to second that. i am TIRED. tired tired tiiiiiiirrrreddddddddddd.

hardly had the time to actually sit and rest. no time for fb, not even on my birthday! sigh... really appreciate all the wonderful messages. but apologies for the late replies my friends. my bad. i wish someone was here...

it's crazy trying to work everything out here on my own. it doesnt help that everyone wants their things done, based on their expectations, at their specific time! sigh... oh well.. got to stay strong. sure i can handle it. i wouldn't say "no probs" coz there is a prob. i know i can do it and do it well given my nature. but still i do wish someone was here...

WaT'S WrONg?

i've been hearing this song over and over again over the radio and i still don't get it. what the heck is wrong wif her? ok la, some people are juz masochistic. i cant say anything abt them but i sure can say abt myself. me no like pain. and for those who know me better, i have a very low threshold of pain. yes, still working on that. sheesh... and lies... i get so turned off by them, instantly. say wat u mean n mean wat u say. otherwise, it takes too much energy to try filtering out the things you say. which is the truth and which are pure lies or jokes. after a while, believe me, i'll be very the malas to layan. if i cant even trust your words, how can i trust anything else. maybe u can say i take things too seriously. but hey, lies ain't jokes to me. they are so not funny lor.

been there. done that. been through worse. like duh of coz i can handle this. well one thing abt pain i haf to say is that it makes one grow stronger and wiser. but that doesn't mean i'm going to sit here, allow you to inflict the pain on me and i have to continue suffering. i'll do wat i haf to do to save myself the pain. unless there's someone else who wld bear it for me. :p ya ya... but who would rite... a girl got to do wat a girl got to do man.

for those who like seeing others suffer, unless they are masochists themselves, go get a life. what goes around comes around. beware of what you do coz u'd never know when they'll slam right back at your face. you'd be lucky if they're not any worse.

Eminem - Love The Way You Lie

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

FaiRy TaLe Emo S**T

Do fairy tales happen in real life? Maybe yes. Maybe no. Perphaps they are just not meant for me.

Emo mode turned on. Thanks to Spence!!! wa lao eh...i din know u are some emo sh*t man. at THAT age?!?!? lol. but i guess u've been through though times. perhaps, you've reached a point where enough is enough. hang in there brudder. you might reached the point with Her. but hey, don't close your door just yet. you'd never know who's walking by. the society doesn't need to lose an eligible bachelor like you! it'll be such a waste! remember, 40s is the new 30s. no fret. ;) and of coz, 30s is the new 20s! haha. fine, i might be living in the Nile. At least i'm not delusional. hehe.

have always liked this song. very the touchy feeling. yes, i admire those who can play the waiting game with me. The longer you can wait, the more smitten i'll be. lol. Insya Allah when the time comes, the time comes. and we'll both be ready. I'll tell you one day. but today is not the day. one day it shall be. Let's see how it'll go from there. ;)

HOWEVER... for those who are doing things to make themselves feel better, pray thee spare me. Spare me the time, energy and agony. I don't have much left.

some smses juz make my day. keep them coming please. no expectations tho. coz then, wen they come through, i'll be pleasantly surprised. :)

Love Me ~ Collin Raye

I read a note my Grandma wrote back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me
He said, "Boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago, Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I love your Grandma so.

We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter, and this is what it said :

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away
In the doorway of the church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray
I know I've never seen him cry in all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her, his eyes fill up with tears

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

Let'S CeLEbrAte No?

my jinx when it comes to comp is still here to stay. right fr the start of my worklife here till today. fr changing of password, to cannot access this and that... and many more. think ITD scared of me liao. probably cursing and swearing everytime they hear my name. most recently, a super annoying quiz kept popping up in my fb profile. couldnt take it anymore. changed password. didn't work. decided to deactivate my account for a while. den what happened? now i can reactivate it. y? they cant recognise my email. haizzzzzzzzzz... y am i not surprised that this juz has to happen to ME. perhaps some other people too. but surely it has to be ME! y oh y cant comp n i just go together? haizzzzzzzzzz...

anyway, the holy month has juz gone by. no mood to celebrate. is there anything to celebrate? sure i fasted. but could haf done more. much much more. but work commitments dun allow me to do so. haizzzzzzzzz. still, i love my job. i really do. and i thank Allah for it. juz wished i could take the evenings off. so it doesnt feel like raya. never even go to geylang. noone to go wif. too lazy to go too. dun even haf mood to do the yearly spring cleaning. no mood. dowan to do. penat. letih. malas.

ok fine, not going to be a wet blanket for the rest of my bros and sis in Islam. so here's wishing all Muslims a very Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf zahir and batin for all my wrong doings in every possible way. Please also halalkan segala yang termakan dan terminum. Semoga ibadat kita diterima Allah dan kita direstuinya selalu. :)